:Courageous:

"The only way we'll ever stand is on our knees with lifted hands"

This is a line from a song by a band (haha, vague statement of the century!) that I used to listen to all the time. I mean ALLTHETIMESEVER. 

Not this song specifically, because it only came out a year or two ago... But their previous  albums. I listened because they brought challenge. They were willing to speak out against the laziness and hypocrisy they saw in the lives of the average North American believer--but to do so in a challenging and grace-filled way...a way that made no bones about what was wrong, and yet didn't come across as whacking someone across the forehead with a crowbar.

Their music was refreshing to me in its honesty and challenge. The band is called Casting Crowns.

The line above is a line from a song off their (I believe) newest album, called "Come To The Well". The song is titled "Courageous", and speaks of the challenge and calling of what it means to be a godly man, leading your family, etc.

I've heard the song in the background many times before our Sunday morning services at The Well, the church where I lead worship every week. Yet somehow, I never listened to the lyrics. It's funny how so often the things that are right in front of us are the things that we miss the easiest.

It was also one of several  songs my wife gave me as a gift for Christmas this past year (she did the 12 days of Christmas for me, with a new gift each day...), and yet, for some reason or another, I have listened to all the other songs she gave, except for this one. And now, having listened to the words, I am humbled and blessed by the godly woman I am married to--a woman who often knows the things I need to hear before I even realize I do myself. A woman who has been praying fervently for me as I've struggled with my depression, and has been an anchor and support in more ways than I even realized...

Because I've been missing what is right in front of my eyes.

I've known that she's been praying--but I don't think I grasped how hard.

I know that she's been support--but I don't think I always see clearly the weight resting on her shoulders.

I know that she's been rooting for me--but I haven't always seen how diehard a fan she really is.

I know that she cares for and loves me--but I don't always notice how deeply and stubbornly.

All this, not because she hasn't been saying it or demonstrating it all along...

But rather, because I've been too distracted to notice it as often as I should be. I've never questioned once anything that I mentioned above...but I also certainly haven't always told her what it means, or even been aware of the vastness of detail and thought put into everything--even a song that voices a prayer that she's been praying since the day we were married, and probably before.

I love my wife more than words can say. The depth of who she is represents a miracle I don't think I will EVER be able to grasp. The words of the Holy Spirit come out through in challenge, love, and rebuke, but always, ALWAYS from a place of desiring to see me be the man that she saw inside of me the day we first met...even when I'm scared that I don't know how to be that man, or when I'm feeling too tired to fight to be who I know I am.

She has demonstrated courage through my depression in a way that I have never understood...and set an example for me that I am floored by. She has been courageous.

I pray that as I stumble my way through this season, I would come to see and experience what it truly means to "stand...on my knees with lifted hands"... Because that's the only way...it's the only chance I've got at being the man I've so often got difficulty seeing, but my incredible partner in life sees relentlessly and cheers on through her tiredness, frustration, tears, and own set of challenges.

I don't know what else to say. I'm humbled and amazed to be called your husband, and to be the lucky guy who gets to walk alongside you and receive your love, not because I always deserve it, but because of who and what you see in me, and your desire to see that come through. You truly are more than any guy could ask for.

Here's to stepping forward in courage. Here's to living life because He has "made us to be courageous".

Honey, here's to you. ;-) 

Every guy should be as lucky as me.