:Chores:

Just another little something I wrote as an exercise for a self-taught writing class last year...

What can match that feeling of dread when faced with a brontosaurial pile of cast-off clothing?
An everestine stack of lasagnian dishes?
An endless stretch of crumb-bespeckled carpet?
The draining depths of a stagnant bathroom?
Or the blurred reflection of a finger-printed mirror?

It's the sigh of relief and the knowledge that you have slayed the brontosaur,
conquered everest,
combined the carpet,
plumbed the depths,
and come to see yourself clearly again through the clutter.
It's the breath that knows "I'm done"...

...it's the gnawing thought that next week...or tomorrow...it all begins again.

--Sam

:Definition--Worry:

I wanted to share something that I wrote a year ago about worrying. It's kinda fun reading back over stuff I've written in the past... and this was something that I felt really hit it on the head (note: if you can read it all in one breath--or close to it--you'll get the feeling of it even better!)

Worrying: Definition: thinking ahead to the things that might go wrong if everything goes the way you expect it to, which it never does, but it always pays to be prepared anyway, just in case this time it actually happens to occur something along the lines of what it seems could happen if all of your worst fears come true, which aso never happens, but if it did it would be horrible, so it's best to think about it all right now, so that you're ready for it if it ever comes, and if it doesn't, then you can move on to the next thing, which is how much you missed out on accomplishing and now have to tackle because you spent too much time worrying over what may or may not have happened and couldn't be fixed or prevented by thinking endlessly in circles about anyway.

But you did it, and here you are.


Yet I still worry... man, I think my blood pressure goes up just reading that...

=P

--Hobbes

:In Review--2011:

So here’s a recap of my goals for the past year, and a bit of a look at how I did on them.

They are organized by month and goal, with the status (i.e. how I did on that particular goal) and reason (as in “the reason I scored myself this way”, [NOT AN EXCUSE!]) listed underneath them:

January—            To Retake Control of My Goals…

• By completing a plan for what my monthly goals are
• STATUS: Completed
• THE REASON: I had this sheet of goals completed within the first couple days of the new year.
• By sharing my goals with my accountability
• STATUS: Completed
• THE REASON: Once I typed this all up, I had my wife read it.
• By submitting to God’s leading and guidance throughout the process of setting and completing goals
• STATUS: Completed
• THE REASON: I embarked on this journey with much prayer. What was perhaps missing (to some extent) was a continued pressing in for guidance.

February—            To Retake Control of My Devotional Life…

• By spending time in prayer daily (personal & as a couple)
• STATUS: Spotty. Needs work.
• THE REASON: This is an area I’ve always struggled with tackling on a daily basis. I don’t know why—it just is. Definitely a goal for next year.
• By spending time in scripture daily (personal & as a couple)
• STATUS: Spotty. Needs work.
• THE REASON: This is an area I’ve always struggled with tackling on a daily basis. I don’t know why—it just is. Definitely a goal for next year.
• By journaling thoughts and words from God
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: This is an area I’ve always struggled with tackling on a daily basis. I don’t know why—it just is. Definitely a goal for next year. It’s seen improvement through things like the LDN (the course I’m taking)… but it’s not where I’d like it to be yet.

March—            To Retake Control of My Finances…

• By tracking spending more carefully
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: I’ve been busy, disorganized, and lazy with this. I really just need to do it, rather than making excuses. I’m stepping up this goal in the new year.
• By reducing unnecessary costs
• STATUS: Healthily Improved. Much progress has been seen, but more steps could still be taken in this area.
• THE REASON: Mostly necessity. We’ve cut corners as far as cost is concerned in as many places as we can, and are looking for new ways to do it all the time. It’s become a game. There are a few areas we can still cut costs in, so we’ll continue to work on this in the new year.
• By attempting to begin some sort of savings plan for various purposes
• STATUS: As-If. No steps were taken in this area. The desire was there, but the means and follow-through were not present.
• THE REASON: Simply a matter of cash-flow and income-allocation. We’re pushing harder to unload certain debts, which will, in turn free up some money to begin some sort of savings-type plan. We’ll see what happens in the new year.

April—            To Retake Control of My Time…

• By cutting back on time wasted on internet
• STATUS: Healthily Improved. Much progress has been seen, but more steps could still be taken in this area.
• THE REASON: I cut out all games on facebook, except for one, which I rarely, if ever, play any more. This means that the internet is primarily a news source, connection point (email and facebook), and writing outlet (blog) for me now. I find myself bumming around on the net a lot less often now for no reason.
• By cutting back on time spent “moping” around
• STATUS: Completed
• THE REASON: Part of this was the internet games. I’d get bored, and spend time on them. This would only make me more bored. I’ve found myself less bored since working on this, and more engaged in life.
• By creating time for the things I love and to celebrate & enjoy life
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: I’m still not GREAT at managing my time, and need to work on creating time, rather than creating excuses.

May—                        To Retake Control of My Music…

• By spending at least 1 hour per week writing or learning music outside of church responsibilities
• STATUS: As-If. No steps were taken in this area. The desire was there, but the means and follow-through were not present.
• THE REASON: This goes back to the “creating time” issue. Definitely needs work.
• By creating space/time for learning new songs, instruments, and techniques
• STATUS: As-If. No steps were taken in this area. The desire was there, but the means and follow-through were not present.
• THE REASON: See above.
• By creating space/time for recording and editing
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: I’ve been doing more of this since Ben and Mark moved into town, but it’s still been a challenge, due to the “creating time” issue. Needs work still.

June—            To Retake Control of My Photography…

• By spending at least 1 hour per week intentionally out seeking photos
• STATUS: Spotty. Needs Work.
• THE REASON: Again, with the “Creating time” thing. I’ve realized that some of these goals need to be scaled back and maybe “generalized” a little bit, so that they have a little more room for flex, and are a little more attainable in a busy schedule.
• By carrying a camera with me as often as possible (appropriate camera to situation)
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: I’ve just gotten out of the habit. Time to get back into it.
• By organizing and cataloging photos & dreaming up possible commercial applications
• STATUS: Healthily Improved. Much progress has been seen, but more steps could still be taken in this area.
• THE REASON: I’ve organized and cataloged MUCH of my photo collection, and have worked on getting things ready for craft fairs, farmers markets, etc. Now we just need to actually start doing them…

July—                        To Retake Control of My Writing…

• By spending at least 1 hour per week writing lyrics, poetry, novels, or books (separate from music writing time)
• STATUS: Spotty. Needs work.
• THE REASON: “Creating time”. What else can I say?
• By blogging thoughts/whatever at least once a week
• STATUS: Spotty. Needs work.
• THE REASON: See above.
• By spending at least 15 minutes reading a newspaper, book, or magazine daily
• STATUS: Completed.
• THE REASON: I’ve done this most of the year at work now. It’s been great. Very enlightening, inspirational, and thought-provoking, even when it’s just fluff. It’s amazing what’s out there when you choose to engage with it.

August—            To Retake Control of My Routine…

• By implementing the above and following goals into my life
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: Well, you’ve read this all so far—didn’t do as well as I had hoped, but better than I could have done. =P
• By establishing a routine for wake-up and bedtime
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: I’ve been getting up at pretty much the same time, and my morning routine is establishing itself. But I still need to work on it somewhat, and in some areas.
• By establishing a routine in everyday things (i.e. hygiene, dishes, laundry, etc.)
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: it’s just hard to establish routine with a young child and a busy schedule (even though that’s a bigger reason to have routine!). We’ll keep working on this one.

September—            To Retake Control of My Ministry Administration…

• By re-establishing a contact list of emails & phone numbers
• STATUS: Completed
• THE REASON: I’ve got an email list, and the church directory. We’re god to go.
• By ensuring I am on track with ministry goals
• STATUS: Completed
• THE REASON: any ministry goals I had for this past year were completed.
• By making sure all records & binders, folders, etc. are up to date and current
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: We’ve got lots to do on this front (new songs from the past year)… but it can be done in a day or afternoon sometime, and we’ll be up to date. The trick is staying on top of it so it doesn’t become so HUGE.

October—            To Retake Control of My Communication…

• By re-establishing my efforts to romance my wife
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: I’ve definitely improved here—and perhaps I’m my own worst critic in this area as well. But I always see room for improvement—therefore, this one’s carrying over into next year.
• By re-establishing (and maintaining, insofar as it depends on me) contact with key friends
• STATUS: Spotty. Needs work.
• THE REASON: Creating the time, again. It’s been better this year than in years past, but it still needs improvement.
• By making an effort to maintain solid and regular communication with family
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: the business of life gets in the way, along with the distance. Really, we just need to make more of an effort.

November—            To Retake Control of My Organization…

• By implementing the above and following goals into my life
• STATUS: Healthily Improved. Much progress has been seen, but more steps could still be taken in this area.
• THE REASON: Many of these goals were either completed, or worked on quite heavily. It’s the most goal-oriented year I’ve had in a long time. It felt good, but still needs work.
• By establishing an organizational structure & method for all papers, receipts, books, movies, cd’s, etc. by which they can all be found and returned easily and efficiently
• STATUS: Spotty. Needs work.
• THE REASON: Just never worked on this to the extent that I desired to. Will work on this again in the coming year.
• By creating a method/task-list by which organization can be maintained to at least a nominal level
• STATUS: Spotty. Needs work.
• THE REASON: See above.

December—            To Retake Control of My Plans For The Future…

• By submitting the past year to God and praying for guidance for the future
• STATUS: So-So. Improvement has been seen in this area in recent months, but work still needs to be done here.
• THE REASON: Definitely need to spend more time working on this one.
• By laying out new goals for the year of 2012
• STATUS: Completed
• THE REASON: I’ve already completed a new goal list for 2012.
• By looking ahead and laying out more long-term goals
• STATUS: Spotty. Needs work.
• THE REASON: Haven’t really sat down to set out long-term goals. I’ve got some in mind, but we’ve never put them in writing.

Overall—

• To find creative ways to inexpensively celebrate more things in life
• STATUS: Healthily Improved. Much progress has been seen, but more steps could be taken in this area.
• THE REASON: Kudos to my wife on this one. She’s amazing, and has been drastically helping me in this area.
• To learn to balance work and rest more effectively in my life
• STATUS: Healthily Improved. Much progress has been seen, but more steps could be taken in this area.
• THE REASON: I’m learning what it means to balance life with a family. It’s not easy, but I’m working on it, and it’s making a difference.
• To become a better husband and father
• STATUS: Healthily Improved. Much progress has been seen, but more steps could be taken in this area.
• THE REASON: I’ve always got room to grow in this area. I can always be better than I am currently. So this is an ongoing goal.

 Kinda fun to look back and see what was/wasn't accomplished. Here's to a whole NEW YEAR!

:Here's To A More Intentional 2012:

So I did this last year, too—to a reasonable amount of success. I still have to go back and find my goals and see how well I did as far as meeting them (I'll post them [along with my review on how I did] when I find them!)—but I feel like I can confidently say that it worked FAR better than setting “resolutions” has EVER worked for me in the past.

So, having said that, I have again, for 2012, chosen a major area in life that I want to “re-engage” in. I’ve specifically chosen the word “re-engage” for a couple reasons: first, it implies active involvement that extends beyond the first time doing it. So the point is to continue on with these goals, beyond the initial 30-days. Second, engaging implies that I am already involved in these things—I’m merely setting a goal that’s beyond what I’m currently doing. Third, the idea of engaging means that something is already going on—and I’m stepping in to be a part of it. I found that last year, when I talked about “retaking control” of things, it put the onus on me and my strength, rather than creating this idea of reliance on God to give the strength to follow through on my goals.

As I said, for each month, I’ve chosen a major area of my life. I’ve set three simple goals in each area—ways to re-engage in these areas of life. By doing this, I make these things reachable and measurable (i.e. it’ll be pretty obvious if I am or am not doing them!) Working on these things isn’t JUST confined to that particular month—I may begin working on some of them earlier than the month they are in… but the main focus for each month will be trying to work that goal into my life, with the hope that I will have reached most of them by the end of the year. Here’s to a more intentional 2012!

They say it takes 30 days to make a habit. So the hope is to make each of these things a habit by the end of the year.  Here goes nothing!

JANUARY: To re-engage in my devotional life by:

• Spending at least 15 minutes a day in scripture
• Spending at least 15 minutes a day in journaling/engaging
• Spending at least 15 minutes a day in prayer
  
  

FEBRUARY: To re-engage in my marriage by:

• Dating my wife (either out, or in-house) once a week, unless absolutely impossible (no lame excuses!)
• Leaving love notes and messages for her each day before I leave for work
• Creating time and space for her to have time to pursue her loves
  
  

MARCH: To re-engage in my family life by:

• Protecting one day a week as a family day—nothing work-related gets scheduled on these days!
• Protecting as many evenings as possible by getting work done during work (and morning) hours
• Intentionally engaging together in playing at least as hard as we work (i.e. taking time to rest, play, hike, camp, whatever)
  
  

APRIL: To re-engage in my schedule by:

• Engaging in these goals
• Setting a “wake-up” time, and keeping it unless utterly necessary to break it
• Building healthy routine into my life
  
  

MAY: To re-engage in my finances by:

• Beginning to track things as closely as I did when we first got married (paper trails for everything!)
• Committing to saying “no” to the credit card unless the money is there (or it’s an absolute emergency)
• Putting any extras against debt and bills, rather than just allowing it to disappear (i.e. TELLING our money where to go)
  
  

JUNE: To re-engage in my health by:

• Continuing to bike to work whenever possible (which means sometimes doing it when I don’t feel like it!)
• Spending time exercising as a family (biking, hiking, walking, etc)
• Making wise food choices, and sticking to them.
  
  

JULY: To re-engage in my hobbies by:

• Blogging/writing at least once a week
• Carrying a camera and taking photos/video whenever it avails itself
• Intentionally creating time to complete projects
  
  

AUGUST: To re-engage in my work by:

• Learning to see the joys in whatever work I am currently doing
• Actively pursuing work options (regardless of how frightened I may be by stepping out!)
• Continuing to strive to do the best I can at whatever I am doing
  
  

SEPTEMBER: To re-engage in my projects by:

• Spending a half-hour writing at least once a week
• Spending a half-hour working on a manual project (i.e. building, etc) at least once a week
• Actively pursing creative ways to supply/fund my projects
  
  

OCTOBER: To re-engage in my communication by:

• Re-connecting with key relationships via letters, etc.
• Learning to be a better listener
• Working on a (at least) yearly family newsletter for family/friends
  
  

NOVEMBER: To re-engage in my ministry by:

• Continually seeking out new materials and inspiration
• Continually seeking out new ways to use my (and others’) time more effectively
• Continually seeking out new methods to draw new musicians/ministry members in and draw new things out of existing team members
  
  

DECEMBER: To re-engage in my neighbourhood by:

• Learning to be unafraid to just say “hello”
• Making a point of engaging in conversation, rather than shying away from it
• Bringing cookies to neighbours (at least 5 houses in either direction) as a way to say “Merry Christmas”.
  
  
  So that's that. We'll talk again (hopefully throughout, but for sure at the end of the year) and see how this has all gone!
  
  --Hobbes

...My Therapy...

Lately, I've realized that if I give myself a project to work on, I'm less stressed, and I cope with things better. as long as I can keep my mind busy in some way (not in the avoidance sense), stress doesn't kick in quite as hard as it would otherwise. And even more on the plus side: I get things accomplished. Here's my latest project: a bed for my daughter (Merry Christmas!)

So overall, I'd say I was pretty happy with how that turned out so far. I've got a few ideas for sprucing it up a little as time/money allows, but for now, it's there, and she loves it! (Best gift ever--that someone loves the gift you gave them!)

-Sam

:It's Been Far Too Long Again...:

Well, I'm back at it again. I've been down this road before, but the reality is, it's hard to shake old habits. Or in this case, start new ones. It's just so easy to let life get in the way, and before long, the things that don't have to happen RIGHT NOW just don't happen at all, let alone right now. Funny how that works.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not complaining. Just observing. And wishing. And hoping. And using "and" to start far too many sentences (anyone else remember being told that you should almost never begin a sentence with "and"?). Also, I don't know if those two-word combos above actually, technically can be classified as sentences or not. But whatever (see, there I go again).

I think telling myself that I'm going to do something is a failure of an idea. I need to stop telling myself, and actually just get up and do the things (whatever they may be). So whether it's blogging, or photography, or writing, or music, or whatever, I just need to DO IT. Period (and yes, I know, that may or may not be an actual sentence).

:This Week:

...or "In The Time Since I Last Posted".

...I've had a minor concussion, courtesy of my darling daughter...

...I've been to the dentist for the first time in 11 years (yes, I know, it's bad)...

...I've gone camping with my church and JUST missed (by one game) being in the finals for the coveted Well Bocce Tournament Cup...

...I've realized I've got WAY too much on my plate...

...I've read a book and a half (something I haven't done in MONTHS)...

...I've become convinced that the only way out of this depression is to focus on the good things I've been given, and look to HIM for my strength (though this is easier said than done in the mindframe I'm often in)...

...I became aware that I need to write more. So I'm doing so. Right now.

:Now:

...Just spent an hour shredding old documents that had piled up on my desk...why is that so freeing--so cleansing? Maybe I'm strange, but it was honestly therapeutic for me. I need to do therapeutic things more often.

...Also re-strung my guitar for the first time in far too long (thanks to a wonderful gift from a friend), and discovered, once again, the tone that made me fall in love with it in the first place. Oh sweet, beautiful Taylor...

...Did I mention that my wife and daughter are the awesomest ever for putting up with me in my depressed state (oh, and if you had no clue I'm wrestling with depression, I'll fill you in some time down the road)? Because they are... and I'm so thankful.

'night.

:Top 10 For Where-I'm-At:

I was thinking again the other day about how much music (and the words therein) can speak into your life, and build it up or tear it down... change your mood, your outlook, even your philosophy on life. So I got to thinking about songs that I've heard playing on radio stations lately that (unlike the ones picked merely for their epic-ness) actually really speak to the place I'm in at the moment ("moment" in this case referring to my season in life). So here they are. Please keep in mind that, as per usual, not EVERYTHING in these songs fits (how often does an entire song fit, after all?)... but at least parts of them really speak to me in this time.

"Marry Me"--Train
"For The First Time"--The Script
"Airplanes"--B.O.B. ft. Hayley Williams
"Maybe"--The Sick Puppies
"Good To You"--Marianas Trench
"Lead Me"--Sanctus Real
"Crazy"--Andrew Allen
"Keep Holding On"--Avril Lavigne
"Good Life"--OneRepublic
"Remedy"--Jason Mraz

:Glimpses of the Summer:

 Strawberry picking @ the end of June...

 First taste of strawberries EVER!

 A sign outside the bathrooms @ a rest area on the way to Vancouver

 Coffees @ Silverstar for some friends' wedding...

I know, it's a crazy guitar, eh?

:Today:

...It's been one of those days...

:Okay to Best-day:

Well, it was "a day" at work today. Not much going on, not much to do, and no prospects of creating work, either. Only thing it had going for it was the game of "31" at lunch with Jon and the Accounting Staff, and the fact that I got off at 3 due to an appointment in the afternoon.

THAT'S where it changed for the better.

The appointment: Family Photos.

The result: Awesome.

It was a good hour with the family, posing, and having photos taken of us. We'll go back next week to take our pick of them. So good.

Then, we topped it all off with a cherry on top... well, actually, raspberries. 10 pounds of them. SO amazing.

AND, as if it couldn't get any better, I had a daddy-daughter date at the grocery store, and got to spoil my little girl, my wife, and myself all in the process. What I wouldn't give for more time with my family.

BUT NOW, it's dinner and bedtime for the little girl, and the following for dinner for Mommy & Daddy:

Asparagus
Yam Fries
Fresh Braided French Bread with locally made Gouda, Honey Maple Turkey, fresh tomatoes, and butter.

Follow that up with a glass of wine and some dark chocolate, and maybe a good flick or TV show, and I'm pretty sure we've got a lineup for the greatest day ever.

Even with the so-so start.

**loves his life**